1. It is really hard for me to sit still. This is unfortunate because my job entails staring at a computer for eight hours a day. I fantasize about running around the room kicking over monitors and laughing like a maniac. Sometimes this is the only thing that gets me through the day. That and doing cartwheels in the lobby when no one is looking.
2. I have more zits now than I did as a teenager. I am really self-conscious about it.
3. I like growing things in the earth, and I like cooking food, even though I frequently fuck it up. I’m especially horrible at baking. One time I made a cake, and I seemingly did everything in my power to ruin it. The oven was too hot, so the outside burned while the inside was still doughy. I dumped it out of the pan too soon, so it cracked apart. I tried to cover the cracks with frosting and sprinkles — I even wrote funny words on top in icing. But I didn’t allow it to cool, so the frosting melted, and the words dripped into the cracks, turning into illegible purple sludge. It didn’t even taste good.
4. I am not a traditional person, but I love it when my boyfriend gives me flowers and holds the door for me. Like LOVE IT. Gives me that butterflies-in-the-stomach feeling.
5. I used to think that whiskey on the rocks would solve all of my problems (literally, I believed that to my core). Now I know the truth: Mustache kitty will solve all my problems, or at least make reality slightly more bearable.
6. I hate driving cars, and I suck at it. I have wrecked every car I’ve ever owned (that’s four, for those keeping track at home), and one time I almost lost my license because I got three speeding tickets in a month. Granted, I’m much better at driving now that I no longer use whiskey to solve my problems.
7. For the first time in my life, I’m willing to admit that I would like to write a book, work for myself, and have a family. Historically I haven’t said what I’ve wanted out loud because I’m afraid I might not get it and will look like an idiot for ever thinking I could have it in the first place. Well, fuck fear.
8. As a kid, I was PAINFULLY shy — like I would run away if someone tried to talk to me. It has taken me every single one of my 31 years to get over this.
9. I am not afraid of heights at all. I’m also not afraid of bugs. I think all women should be able to kill their own spiders and carry their own groceries. Physically I’m really fucking strong (for a 120-pound girl, that is), and I’m really proud of that fact.
10. I am addicted to coffee and working out. If I don’t go to the gym for a couple of days, I start behaving like a caged animal, and my IQ is probably 30 points lower before I have my morning coffee.
11. I thrive on having new experiences and learning new things. I love traveling to places I’ve never been and doing anything that completely consumes my senses and forces me to be in the moment, like jumping in an ice-cold river in my underwear. Even something as simple as googling “giant squid sex” or “baby zonkey” can totally make my afternoon.